Wow, it’s so cool because your conversations about food and body are pretty similar in our household. I talk about how our bodies are always changing and everything in moderation. I also don’t have magazines around or we don’t really have our kids see much as far as marketing goes especially since they don’t watch much tv (also consumed in moderation).
I think a lot about all this and I guess I just have to believe that I’m doing what I think is best, I’m trying my best to do what’s healthy for my kids bodies and mindset.
My 10 year old niece was over one time and she looked at her reflection and said, ugh I look fat. Gosh, that made me feel so sad to hear her say that. Again, another reason why I think about this issue so much! It’s close to home!
My daughter just turned 9 and my son turns 6 in September. I also have a nephew who moved in with us 3 years ago when he was 15.
I think the fact that we're aware and trying despite growing up with something different is as beautiful as it gets. And I think your niece is planted right where she needs to be in your Auntydom.
Thanks for sharing the things that are moving you in this area!
It's so lovely to connect on here, and hear about your world and thoughts and aches!
This was a beautiful read. I loved reading about your analysis of food and sharing your experience with disordered eating. I love what Jamie Oliver has been doing with trying to normalize a positive relationship with food. It’s such a heavy, sensitive and complicated topic. I didn’t realize how much it was until I had children, especially having a girl and what food could mean to her and her peers as they grow up and their bodies change. Is there a right way to foster relationship with food with our children? I think one major way is modeling it but I’m not even sure if I’m a great model. I’m not asking you to answer it but if you have thoughts I’d love to hear them.
Thanks so much for being here and reading Stephanie! I so appreciate your feedback and discussion!
Ooft, great questions. I hear you on the 'one major way is modeling it but I'm not even sure if I'm a great model.' (This is how I feel about emotional regulation also, actually.)
I'm prone to black and white thinking despite my very best efforts to have a more nuanced understanding of things, so I might reframe the prompt from 'right way' to 'good way'...just to open my mind a bit...and gosh. Yeah. I think there are good ways to foster relationship with food. And I think there are fun ways. And intelligent ways. And creative ways. I feel like I'm mostly just stumbling around trying my best though. And I also feel like helping my kids learn about bodies and food is helping with my own growth and relearning.
We've recently moved house and our closest supermarket is located inside a shopping centre which I find to be a horrible experience to begin with. But we opt to avoid taking the kids with us if we can help it because of the advertising posters in all the shops. All the clothing stores with zero diversity in their usually half naked, air brushed models. It's just not what I want to be forming the foundation of my kids belief systems about bodies.
Last week a conversation came up with my 5 year old about body sizes. I think I had a pair of pants that didn't quite fit and she asked if I would give them to Dad (lol) and I said 'Nah they might fit me come Summertime.' She asked why and I explained that in Winter our bodies sometimes grow which is good because it helps us keep warm. Maybe because we're not outside playing so much and because we're eating lots of yummy warm meals. 'Our bodies are so awesome. I love that my body gets bigger in Winter to keep me warm,' I told her.
And look. I'm not actually sure if I was lying, to be honest. Was I pretending to try and protect her from unrealistic body standards? Or did my explanation to a child (and somehow also my child self) actually help me break through the nonsense I had been taught and help me discover an appreciation I never knew I could have?
When we talk about food with our kids - especially whole foods vs sugary foods - we try to explain it all in terms of both function and joy, I guess. Eg: "We can't eat that food all the time because our bodies would get very tired and our insides wouldn't get the proper fuel and nutrients they need." But also - "It's good to have a special treat sometimes because it makes us feel excited and happy." I know some people don't like to call sweet food 'treats' - but I dunno, we do. And sometimes all the rules for modern parenting feel tiring :D
Hmm I feel like I have a lot to think about now. So grateful for you initiating the conversation.
I tell the kids our bodies run on rainbows, so it feels fun to try and feed our tummies the rainbow over the course of a day or week. We talk about the different nutrients and minerals and how they help our bodies run well. And we talk about how much we love food. Which is good for me too, because I could never say those words as a young person. Now I say it all the time. I LOVE FOOOOOOOOD! :D But yeah - just winging it over here...
How many kids do you have, Stephanie? I have two little girls!
Wow, it’s so cool because your conversations about food and body are pretty similar in our household. I talk about how our bodies are always changing and everything in moderation. I also don’t have magazines around or we don’t really have our kids see much as far as marketing goes especially since they don’t watch much tv (also consumed in moderation).
I think a lot about all this and I guess I just have to believe that I’m doing what I think is best, I’m trying my best to do what’s healthy for my kids bodies and mindset.
My 10 year old niece was over one time and she looked at her reflection and said, ugh I look fat. Gosh, that made me feel so sad to hear her say that. Again, another reason why I think about this issue so much! It’s close to home!
My daughter just turned 9 and my son turns 6 in September. I also have a nephew who moved in with us 3 years ago when he was 15.
I look forward to reading more of your work!
I think the fact that we're aware and trying despite growing up with something different is as beautiful as it gets. And I think your niece is planted right where she needs to be in your Auntydom.
Thanks for sharing the things that are moving you in this area!
It's so lovely to connect on here, and hear about your world and thoughts and aches!
This was a beautiful read. I loved reading about your analysis of food and sharing your experience with disordered eating. I love what Jamie Oliver has been doing with trying to normalize a positive relationship with food. It’s such a heavy, sensitive and complicated topic. I didn’t realize how much it was until I had children, especially having a girl and what food could mean to her and her peers as they grow up and their bodies change. Is there a right way to foster relationship with food with our children? I think one major way is modeling it but I’m not even sure if I’m a great model. I’m not asking you to answer it but if you have thoughts I’d love to hear them.
Thanks so much for being here and reading Stephanie! I so appreciate your feedback and discussion!
Ooft, great questions. I hear you on the 'one major way is modeling it but I'm not even sure if I'm a great model.' (This is how I feel about emotional regulation also, actually.)
I'm prone to black and white thinking despite my very best efforts to have a more nuanced understanding of things, so I might reframe the prompt from 'right way' to 'good way'...just to open my mind a bit...and gosh. Yeah. I think there are good ways to foster relationship with food. And I think there are fun ways. And intelligent ways. And creative ways. I feel like I'm mostly just stumbling around trying my best though. And I also feel like helping my kids learn about bodies and food is helping with my own growth and relearning.
We've recently moved house and our closest supermarket is located inside a shopping centre which I find to be a horrible experience to begin with. But we opt to avoid taking the kids with us if we can help it because of the advertising posters in all the shops. All the clothing stores with zero diversity in their usually half naked, air brushed models. It's just not what I want to be forming the foundation of my kids belief systems about bodies.
Last week a conversation came up with my 5 year old about body sizes. I think I had a pair of pants that didn't quite fit and she asked if I would give them to Dad (lol) and I said 'Nah they might fit me come Summertime.' She asked why and I explained that in Winter our bodies sometimes grow which is good because it helps us keep warm. Maybe because we're not outside playing so much and because we're eating lots of yummy warm meals. 'Our bodies are so awesome. I love that my body gets bigger in Winter to keep me warm,' I told her.
And look. I'm not actually sure if I was lying, to be honest. Was I pretending to try and protect her from unrealistic body standards? Or did my explanation to a child (and somehow also my child self) actually help me break through the nonsense I had been taught and help me discover an appreciation I never knew I could have?
When we talk about food with our kids - especially whole foods vs sugary foods - we try to explain it all in terms of both function and joy, I guess. Eg: "We can't eat that food all the time because our bodies would get very tired and our insides wouldn't get the proper fuel and nutrients they need." But also - "It's good to have a special treat sometimes because it makes us feel excited and happy." I know some people don't like to call sweet food 'treats' - but I dunno, we do. And sometimes all the rules for modern parenting feel tiring :D
Hmm I feel like I have a lot to think about now. So grateful for you initiating the conversation.
I tell the kids our bodies run on rainbows, so it feels fun to try and feed our tummies the rainbow over the course of a day or week. We talk about the different nutrients and minerals and how they help our bodies run well. And we talk about how much we love food. Which is good for me too, because I could never say those words as a young person. Now I say it all the time. I LOVE FOOOOOOOOD! :D But yeah - just winging it over here...
How many kids do you have, Stephanie? I have two little girls!
xxx