Lumi Star - Birth Story

Second born joyful home birth.

I was scheduled to have a stretch and sweep the day she was born.
Talk about timing.
I like to keep my crevices clear of stranger’s body parts as a rule. Halo was also born the day before the ob-gyn wanted to chat induction (only 40+2 mind you!) Apparently disgust is a powerful motivator for me.

We were booked to have a home birth and I was beyond thrilled. It felt so right. I had no worries. For a worst case scenario-ist with anxious tendencies - I was positively chill. I don’t think a worst case scenario ever popped into my head in regard to the home birth.
In regard to my low energy levels and thinking I would just faint mid-labour? Yes.
But nothing to do with birthing at home. It just made so much sense to me. I had read so much about it and heard so many wonderful stories! I was envisioning being visited by deer at our front door as the baby descended, thanks to a particularly magical birth story in an Ina May book.

Towards the end of my HG, I was Celebrant for our dear friends’ wedding. After the formalities, I tried to pretend I wasn’t using all my energy to avoid vomiting all over the grazing table. I caught up with a friend by the name of Dusk. We had criss crossed paths for a number of years and she had sent me the most beautiful homemade birth affirmations for Halo’s birth, that arrived a couple of days after she was born!
She was so awesome. So compassionate. So understanding. She had the perfect amount of sass towards the patriarchy. She was hilarious. AND she was a Doula (Find her at The Listening Mama!) Not long after the wedding, I called her and we hired her. Chatting with her was one of the first times I felt truly seen in those difficult months.

We wanted Halo at the birth, but we were worried her sensitive nature would be overwhelmed by the raw intensity of the whole thing. We hoped that as well as journeying with us - Dusk could be our companion for Halo if she needed to leave the room.

At around 41+3, we decided to drive up the mountain and take some maternity photos (Sensing a pattern…) Jarrod had me clambering over fallen branches and swatting leeches as if I was on an adventure hike. As though I had any chance of being within slapping distance of my ankles.

It is very important to Jarrod that you know that he did NOT colour grade this. I did. It was hard. Too many dials. Never again.

That night we watched a horrifying movie (I normally avoid these whilst pregnant - and in general) about children in grave danger. I’m certain the maternal adrenaline kicked in and my body started preparing to hold my baby safe in my arms right there and then.

At around 3am the next morning, I started having contractions. Same as last time - just like constant period cramps. I was up and swaying under the fairy lights immediately because welcoming a baby is like the Christmas of all Christmases! I had Dusk’s beautiful affirmations (from Halo’s birth) on the wall, some aspirational defining words for the labour and some welcome messages for baby. I wandered around reading them and breathing, delirious with excitement.

Read Halo’s birth story HERE!

Jarrod got up around 6am and started cleaning the house. I remember having a little chat about him maybe being a little less task oriented and a little more present to what was going on. He immediately changed course and swayed with me for a bit and eventually we texted our team - Amanda, Renee, and doula Dusk at around 6:45am. They were all 2 hours away.

When Halo woke up, we excitedly let her know it was going to be today that we meet the new baby. Jarrod was filling the pool. I was DESPERATE to get in. I love baths. The hot water easily eased the intensity of the contractions by half. It was soooo good.

Dusk was the first to arrive. She greeted us with excited whispers. Amanda was next and I was rapidly transitioning to the land between earth and stars. She started setting up what I presumed to be safety/medical stuff on the dresser. I avoided looking because I don’t provoke my anxious tendencies. By the time Renee arrived, I was in my own world and unable to chit chat. I just kept moving through the contractions with vocalising and sweet sighing.

I think I left the pool just once to use the toilet. Jarrod joined me in the water after a short while. Then Halo put her bathers on and climbed in too. We were surprised, to say the least. She is very protective of and sensitive to the energy around her. We thought she wouldn’t cope. We worried Jarrod would have to leave the room with her and miss the birth, but we had come to terms with the possibility. But I think the combined calm and faith of everyone present was what helped her feel safe in the space. She climbed in and sang and played for over an hour. Maybe more. What is time? She was so chill.

Jarrod had studied and knew just the right acupressure points. It was amazing. When he hit the right spot, this also halved the intensity of the contractions. With Halo’s birth, he used them only once or twice and stopped before the contractions were over. I was past the point of being able to speak, but desperately wanted him to keep the pressure on for the duration. We spoke of this afterwards, so this time around he didn’t miss a single contraction and it was phenomenal.

I was trying to do horse lips (thanks Ina May) at one point and accidentally put my face under the water. Later during a quiet moment, I mentioned almost drowning myself and we all started laughing. It was so good to laugh. It was very soon after this (and likely no coincidence) that transition set in and things got way less cute.

We often joke about being the Dunphys. In that episode where Claire and Phil are setting up a room for a romantic proposal and Claire is so practical and Phil is so detail oriented. Jarrod used to always set up romantic dinners by candlelight and I would whinge that I couldn’t see the food. He often has quiet mood music on in the background (The background of what, you ask? Of every day of my life.) and when he tries to speak to me, I shout like a deaf 90 year old.

So Jarrod naturally curated the whole birth playlist. And advocated for the fairy lights. I told him not to get too attached, because I like everything to be quiet incase I need to overthink something, and I need the bright lights on in case the baby falls out and I miss it.

Well look - the music was beautiful and calmingly familiar. And I don’t think I ever asked for the main lights to be on. I was so at peace. The phrase that kept coming up for me afterward was, ‘It was such a non event. Just a sweet Sunday.’ But I think what I actually meant was that it was a non-medical event. It felt so natural. It was kind of like a tea party. With blood and passionate language and protein balls.

We filmed the birth.
I like to reflect to people - “Oh it was so beautiful. Pain? No I wouldn’t describe it as painful. Just powerful.”
Unfortunately for me, there’s video evidence of me scrunching my face up and crying “It huuuuurts.” If only during the final few contractions.

I did some more rounds of - “Arrghh I can’t do it! I can’t do it. YES I CAN! No - I seriously can’t…YES I CAN! I CAN! No seriously though I can’t...”
To which the entire room gently shouted - “Yes you can!!!”
At one point I shouted some choice words and Halo (3.5 years old) turned to Jarrod and excitedly exclaimed, “She’s doing it!!!”
She was picking up what everybody was putting down.
Pure unadulterated excitement and trust.

Somewhere just after 12:30pm, I collapsed into Jarrod’s arms in exhaustion. I stayed there for what felt like ages and had one short contraction. By the time the next one came along, the baby was well and truly making its way out. It was as though I needed a few moments to be held and cuddled before the final act.

Lumi came out sleeping at 12:40pm into the water and my arms. She had no intention of meeting anyone before she had had a good nap. She slept 9 hours straight that night. Blessed is an understatement. I like to think of it as my reward for enduring the horrors of HG. Or maybe just a benefit of co-sleeping. Or maybe she got my cat-like sleeping genes.

Halo was very diligent about finding clothes to get the baby dressed. She was so gorgeous. She kept marvelling at how tiny the baby was and saying it could sleep in her bed if it was tired.

The whole team were so relaxed yet diligent the entire time. I barely noticed they were there. But they were. Stroking my hair, checking the baby, joking with each other, adjusting the water temperature. They even took heaps of photos and videos for us on our phones which was such a special surprise!

I remember hearing stories about women falling asleep between contractions and thinking - what a big fat lie.
At one point in the video, Amanda was asking me a question as she stroked my hair.
As I rewatched it, I wondered why I wasn’t responding to her.
“Oh,” she said to herself, “You’re asleep.”

We eventually transitioned to the couch and stayed there for hours. I felt amazing afterwards. Dusk stayed late and heated up some soup for me and excitedly relived all the special moments with us. Then Lumi and I curled up in our bed and had a deep deep sleep. We’d been through a lot together.

So that’s the sleepy Sunday story of Lumi Star’s Earth landing.

My Lessons

* Sometimes its good to have dim lights and mood music on in the background even if you feel a little blind.

* Maybe the best thing to do with overthinking is drown it out with uplifting melodies.

* Sometimes letting yourself be held during the hard stuff is all the oxytocin you need.

* The nervous system of the family/community is reflected in the child.

* Sometimes the best case scenario happens and even better than you could imagine.

x
Lysette