The Trouble with Life Hacks
I don’t know why you’re having such a hard time. All of the answers are on the internet. There’s no need for your confusion, struggle or frustration.
There are only 5 real steps to grow a successful business.
There are only 10 tips and tricks you need to know for effective marketing.
There are really simple life hacks to get your relationship back on track.
If you follow this formula, your baby will sleep through the night in 6 weeks.
If you add this product to your night routine, you’ll also solve all your skin and sleep problems.
Don’t you have instagram?
Have you even tried?
Perhaps you might be tiring of all the answers too. Tiring of the formulas. And the hacks. All the tips and tricks. All the surface level responses to the dark nights of people’s souls.
I think perhaps our generation played a bit too much Super Mario. We just want to jump over all the hazards and collect all the gold. We want to skip to the good part, but we’re under the illusion that the good part is the easy part. When we’re always trying to hack life, we’re developing a pattern of moving away from pain, suffering and challenge. Instead of leaning in. Getting curious. Asking questions. Listening with compassion to ourselves and those around us. Where did that ‘red flag’ originate? Why is my baby so desperate to be near me right now? Why am I struggling to concentrate? What memory am I reliving when my partner exhibits that behaviour? What patterns are in motion here? What is my hurt telling me? How does this make perfect sense? When was this dysfunction once functional?
Do you know how dull the best stories would be, if we just gave them these solutions?
What if at the start of The Matrix, someone just gave Neo some tools to avoid his dissatisfaction with life? Neo. Buddy. Pal. Have you tried a gratitude journal about your desk job? What about a laughing club to cheer you up? Have you tried wearing brighter colours to trick your hormones into happiness?
What if before Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson’s marriage disintegrated in Marriage Story, somebody got them onto the six second kiss? Told them to try eye gazing for two minutes each day. Encouraged a regular date night.
If this worked, we would miss the heart of the story. We’d miss all of the conflict that becomes the vehicle for growth and wisdom. We’d hack our way to boredom and meaninglessness. Neo’s disillusionment wasn’t a problem to be solved. It was an invitation into a captivating character arc. The beginning of a great rebellion.
We’ve started to treat life hacks like they’re the healing, when they’re only supposed to be first aid. Modern day advice is so concerned with bypassing, that the core issues are never investigated. It’s prescriptive, rather than inquisitive. Used to avoid. Neglecting the value in the messy miraculous middle of life. Avoiding the human journey. Participating only for the elusive perfect relationship. Perfect parenting strategy. Perfect business growth trajectory. Perfect health status. We think that when we have everything figured out, life will be seamless.
‘For in our great sorrow, we learn what joy needs.’
- Sleeping At Last.
All this pain. The discomfort. The tension. All the tears and frustration. It’s all pointing to something. They’re not just issues. They’re arrows. Showing us what needs our attention. Our care. Our creativity.
For a common example: Our exhaustion needn’t be overriden with ice baths and high intensity workouts and coffee. It’s a message. It’s something to be investigated and tended to.
Life hacks and external advice are a life vest. Not a boat. They can keep your head above water, but they have no ability to manage your hypothermia, shark attacks and sun stroke. They can be helpful as a starting point and nothing more. We have to be able to go deeper with people (and ourselves). To listen. To be honest. To understand things from a broader perspective. To get our hands dirty, with living. To find meaning in the struggle. To find our own centre. To understand what this moment/situation/event means personally for us. Why am I in the middle of the ocean? Why is there no boat? Why is swimming so hard for me? Wasn’t I here last week? And the week before that? Do I want to be in the ocean? What skills can I refine to help me here?
All the tips and tricks are a little support in a much bigger story. They can only carry you for so long. They can’t sustain you.
Don’t hinge your life on these internet promises.
It’s only our willingness to lean in that can truly transform anything of value.
Our courage to stay present in the hard stuff. It’s here that we meet ourselves again and again. In the dark depths of the wild ocean.
Trying. Listening. Evolving. Leaning on our people.
There are no secret formulas you’re missing that could make this whole thing easier. No shortcuts that could save you. You’re on the right path. Keep following the signs. A bird overhead. Tracks on the ground. A signpost. A whisper. A band of raucous musicians gathered around a campfire that seem to know something. Your own intuition.
It’s all the path.
This is the path.